i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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