I met the friendliest cop last night
smell my finger.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
