Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
jump out the window naked night went bad
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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