She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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