I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
