he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
