Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
