my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
should my penis look like a turkey
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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