1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
