Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
