im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
