i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
