Taylor Swift is so right about you.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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