There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
