Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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