I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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