he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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