Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
