who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
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She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
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It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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