in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
