Pants 0. Shit 1.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
