you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
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Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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