Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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