just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
