weddingsv make me drug and hornr
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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