Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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