At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
My vagina just recognized that song.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
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