So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I just found puke in my bra..
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
