you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
