Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
im holly from the hills drunk
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
