3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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