I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
