I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize