Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
