Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
