its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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