Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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