I am in a vortex of obligation.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
