My pussy is not your playground.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
