I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
