hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Just puked most of my soul out..
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
