we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
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i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
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Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
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