i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
