what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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