I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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