For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
