Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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