Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
You can't special order awesome
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
