They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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