I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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