I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
