after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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