I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
