She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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