don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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