thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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