just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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