so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out