I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
