So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?