so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.