At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
