just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
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The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
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I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us