just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
