She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
