also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
he wants to bone in the snuggie
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
